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I shouted - “Where you off to Charlie?”He said, “I’m off to change a light bulb.”“That’s gonna be a bit awkward init?”“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough,. " It's not incest if he's not related to me by blood"I said, smirking."Jayne"she warned."Joking mom, let me finish this and then I'll go put on some better clothes"I said. I finished putting all the dishes in the dishwasher then ran upstairs to change. I just put on a t-shirt and some longer shorts. Truth is, yes I was granted with enormous boobs. I'm the largest in my school and they just keep growing. Right now, they are a 34D. They grow like two sizes a month! My mom says they'll stop growing by the time I'm eighteen. Highly doubt it at the rate they are going. I stepped back downstairs and tackled my younger sister, Abbie, to the ground unexpectedly. She laughed as we started play wrestling. Luke, one of my older brothers, eyed us suspiciously. "That is such a turn on"he mumbled, hoping no one would hear him.But I did. Although I didn't say anything to him, I just kept on doing what I was doing. Abbie was only about 11 months younger than me. I was two months old when my mom got.
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